One year ago today I was crying myself to sleep. After a sudden illness and a 3 month horrific battle with cancer, I watched my mom waste away. Three months to say goodbye is not long enough. Three years wouldn't be long enough either, but I have no control of that. It's what was given. I cannot say that I will not remember the constant pain she endured, the chemo treatments, the hospital visits, tests and all the suffering she dealt with for those three months, because that is a reminder of the world we live in. A world full of pain and suffering of sin and evil, of sickness and death. I will remember that because it is the reality of the world we live in, a broken world and her suffering the ultimate example of true faith that points to a Savior.
Mom said (and I paraphrase) who am I to accept the good things God gives and not the bad? Mom said if God wants to, he can heal me now, but if not I still know I will be healed and whole in heaven. Mom said pray and read the Bible. Mom said I love you mija.
Of all the things she said what I remember most is what she didn't say. With her actions she remained constant in prayer and reflection. She gave more hugs and kisses than ever. She smiled through the pain and misery, just to put on a brave face. She allowed me and others to serve her and care for her as she had done for so many others for so many years. When her grand kids were there and wanted to be hugged and held, she never turned them away even though she was to weak to hold them and to delicate to be touched. She never turned away people who wanted to stop for a visit and pray with her. She quietly endured the the discomfort in silence in the presence of others and gladly welcomed the prayers and praise that was offered up to God on her behalf. She loved having worship music softly playing throughout the day. When she was to weak to hold open the Bible for herself and the pain to much for her to concentrate on trying to read, I read the Bible to her. She never said how will you be able to go on without me? She never said how could a loving God allow this to happen? She never said What did I do to deserve this? She never said why me?
Instead, with an unshakable and unwavering faith she continued to believe that she would receive her healing, she believed that God had a plan and purpose through it all. She believed that her faith and the life she lived was a good enough example for us who are left behind to follow. She believed that if she had questions God had answers. She believed that soon enough her suffering would end and she would be made whole and forever be in the presence of the God she loved so much, the God she spent her life serving and the God who once gave his only son, Jesus Christ, to die in our place to give us the opportunity to share in eternal life. He is the Savior that her faith points to.
So one year later, many tears, many moments of "did that really happen or was it just a bad dream?", many times thinking I heard her voice echo down the hall, many times picturing her smiling face looking out her bedroom window, many times yearning to feel her touch ... I suppose I may never stop thinking of her, but I know one day I will be reunited with her. What a reunion it will be! I'll finally get to hold all of my babies and wrap my arms around my beautiful mother in the presence of a holy God. I may cry tears of sorrow but I also cry tears of joy.
In loving memory of my mommy Teresa de Jesus Hernandez Arzola.
Oct 3, 1956 - July 31, 2012
1 Thessalonians 4:13-18
13 But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. 14 For since we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so, through Jesus, God will bring with him those who have fallen asleep.15 For this we declare to you by a word from the Lord,[d] that we who are alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will not precede those who have fallen asleep. 16 For the Lord himself will descend from heaven with a cry of command, with the voice of an archangel, and with the sound of the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. 17 Then we who are alive, who are left, will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air, and so we will always be with the Lord. 18 Therefore encourage one another with these words.
